Another thing, as you start to see her escalate, use humor (if at all possible) to bring it back down. Unless your child is involved in something criminal, potentially unsafe, or has already started screaming/cursing/hitting, it usually isn’t worth fighting over.
Another idea, find her a female mentor (Big Brother Big sister) or maybe a female friend willing to help guide her in being a lady. Sometimes it helps if someone besides mom is giving her advice.
Last, my favorite idea from the one above that worked well with me is the written rules / core value paper. Make 5-10 basic things you expect from your teen and post them (do it while you are not fighting and have her be involved). Then YOU make up the consequences and “rewards” For example, you both agree that she will be home by 10pm during the week. You decide that If she isn’t, she isn’t allowed to go out during the weekend. If she is, then you’ll extend her weekend curfew by an hour. As a teenager, I’ve seen improvements when a teen is allowed to make choices.
When she threatens to run away or move out, don’t respond at first. Wait until you are both calm, then start talking about what the pros and cons are of her living with someone else (having you pay the rent, bills, food versus having the freedom to do what she wants).
Remember, the times you aren’t arguing…really try to enjoy those. Be forgiving after a fight.
Above all else, remember that you are doing great! You aren’t giving up. You’re seeking solutions. You’re one tough mama, but more importantly you are a loving mama, too. No matter what, you got this.